Stunning! Why don’t Japanese people speak their minds?

‘Honest feelings and formalities’: the Japanese art of balancing emotions

Are Japanese people complicated?

‘I don’t understand what Japanese people are thinking.’

Behind this comment, often heard from foreigners, lies the unique culture of ‘honest feelings and formalities.’

Japanese people distinguish between their true feelings and the words and attitudes they express to suit the situation around them.

This is not a lie, but a ‘kind mask’ worn to avoid damaging relationships.

Japanese virtues

In Japan, ‘group harmony’ is valued more than ‘individual opinion.’

In this culture, speaking your mind directly is not necessarily considered a virtue.

This is where tatemae, or appropriate behaviour for the situation, comes in.

To avoid making others feel uncomfortable, Japanese people hide their true feelings and choose their words carefully to convey their feelings gently.

Honne is one’s true feelings. However, not revealing them indiscriminately is a form of consideration.

Why do Japanese people do this?

Why do Japanese people distinguish between honne and tatemae?

• Being too direct can hurt the other person.

• Being too assertive can be perceived as selfish.

• In a society where avoiding conflict is considered wise,

people use tatemae to read the atmosphere and engage in conversation.

And honne is only spoken to people you trust or in special situations.

Unique Japanese people

• Even if they’re tired, they’ll say, ‘I’m fine.’

• Even if they don’t want to go, they’ll smile and say, ‘I’d love to go,’ while crying inside.

• ‘I’ll think about it’ is actually a polite way of saying no.

• They’ll say, ‘It’s delicious!’ about the food, but then quietly leave some behind.

• They’ll keep smiling at work, even though they’re actually under a lot of pressure.

This is Japanese culture

At first glance, the gap between what people really think and what they say may seem like a ‘dual nature.’

However, in Japan, it is a consideration to avoid hurting others and a wisdom to maintain relationships.

It’s easy to say what you want to say.

But conveying kindness by not saying it is the delicate strength of the Japanese.

This ‘gap between what people really think and what they say’ is a unique Japanese culture that only works in Japan, where it is recognised as an unwritten rule of society.

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