Why do Japanese people value ‘just the right distance’?

-The kindness of Japanese people as seen in the concept of ‘the distance at which soup stays warm’-

What is ‘the distance where soup stays warm’?

There is a very beautiful expression in Japan.

It is ‘the distance where soup stays warm.’

This refers to ‘the distance where warm soup can be delivered before it cools down’ = ‘the ideal distance where you can rush over immediately but not interfere too much.’

In relationships with family, friends, and neighbours, it is considered comfortable to be ‘neither too close nor too distant,’ which is a unique Japanese sensibility.

Why is the ‘just right distance’ important in Japan?

In many Western cultures, intimacy is often equated with being together all the time, but this is not the case in Japan.

• Respecting others’ privacy and emotional boundaries
• Harmony (wa) is a virtue that should not be disrupted
• Quiet empathy that reads the atmosphere is valued over sharing emotions

In other words, for Japanese people, ‘maintaining distance’ is not indifference but a form of consideration.

The ‘culture of distance’ in everyday life

This ‘distance where the soup stays warm’ can be seen in many aspects of our daily lives.

• Families living separately from their parents: They help each other when needed, but basically live independently
• Workplace relationships: Friendly, but not overly involved in each other’s private lives
• Friendships: Trust continues even if they don’t meet frequently
• Lovers: Love is expressed modestly, but the connection is deep

Is this connected to Japan’s ‘cultural mystery’?

This awareness of distance is linked to aspects of Japanese culture that foreigners find ‘mysterious.’

• Why don’t Japanese people say ‘no’ clearly?

→ They deliberately remain vague to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings = consideration

• Why are there so many greetings and bows?

→ Actions speak louder than words when it comes to showing distance and respect.

• Why is there a culture of ‘renting people’?

→ It’s a system that allows you to ask for help casually without putting pressure on the relationship.

And the Japanese phrase ‘reading the air (KY)’ is also one of the ways to maintain this delicate distance.

Distance ≠ coldness, but kindness

The ‘just right’ distance for Japanese people is not cold at all.

Rather, it is a quiet expression of kindness that says, ‘I’ll help you if something happens.’

It is the distance at which soup can be delivered before it gets cold.

It is also a form of wisdom for maintaining warmth without losing it.

Modern ‘rental grandmothers’ and ‘rental boyfriends’ and other ‘distant connections’ are also said to be based on this Japanese-specific ‘non-intrusive kindness.’

Unlocking Japan’s everyday riddles

-Where Japan’s quirks make sense-